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The Classy Girl's Guide to Divorce: Taking the High Road

August 9, 2018

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THE CLASSY GIRL'S GUIDE TO DIVORCE SERIES PART 1: Feeling the loss in a way that allows you to move forward.

 I'm a country music lover...LOVE me some modern country! I love the way the singers and songwriters write & sing about matters of the heart. I'll sing to some songs that resonate with my journey in life in my car at the top of my lungs or dance with one hand on my heart and another in the air at a country concert because I feel ya Luke Bryan, Miranda Lambert, Little Big Town, Keith Urban....okay, I'm getting carried away here...


No surprise, given I'm a therapist who feels deeply and works with couples and deep, deep matters of the heart. So, once or twice a year, a song captures my attention and inspires me to write about experiences and solutions helpful to individuals and couples that I work with.


Last week, Cole Swindell released his single "Break Up in the End"...and in an interview about the story behind the ballad, he shares that "it is better to have loved than to not have the chance to." I cried. I cried thinking about the 26 years of marriage that were over, the impact on my three adult daughters, the young love that catapulted my ex and I into making our union permanent, and the vow I made to myself when I married my ex that I would NEVER get divorced. Remember those days? 


All the flashbacks of our trips, fights, the home we built together, and the life that we lived well. I noticed that through all the sadness I was feeling listening to this song, it was different than what I had felt in the past. I could smile, laugh inside at our naivety in managing children, careers and life. And there was an intense fondness and gratefulness inside. I respect my ex-husband, even though we hurt each other many a time during our marriage. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break one. The biggest thing I noticed was that, this time, I didn't find myself wanting all of that back. It is my past and I could look back with gratitude. I can even say, I would go back and do it all again (the life, not the hurt) EVEN THOUGH WE BROKE UP IN THE END.


For some of you, the thought of feeling any sort of positive thoughts and feelings towards your relationship post divorce is foreign, rejected, and inconceivable. I get it.